five theengs

Five Things from FFFFOUND!

2008-12-12T10:39:00.004-06:00

(This is gonna be the new Friday feature. I'll post five images from FFFFOUND! for your viewing pleasure. You're welcome.)

1. Barbie Hair

2. Food Chain

3. Morning Coffee in Winter

4. Childhood

5. Faith

Five Things you Cannot (Should Not) Fuck Wit

2008-12-11T15:08:00.006-06:00

1. The Space-Time Continuum

If there's one thing we've learned from science fiction, it's NOT to fuck with the space-time continuum. Sure, time travel sounds like a great idea, in theory. But think about it. Was Sam happy? Yes, Sam from Quantum Leap. Was he? No, he was miserable, bouncing to and fro through time and space, all in an attempt to correct the wrongs of the past. Remember when he leaped into the body of that retarded kid? Do you really think that's what he hoped for when he started experimenting with physics? I seriously doubt it. He was the Sisyphus of String Theory. Learn from his example.

2. Single Moms

We're total fucking badasses. We get more done before 9am then you can muster in your entire pathetic day. We can make breakfast AND lunch simultaneously in less than six minutes. We are always prepared with snacks, wet wipes and succinct answers to our childrens' existensial quandaries. We own the PTA, the grocery store and we're goddamn professionals at reusing, reducing and recycling. If the world were to whither away in a crushing apocalypse, the only people left standing will be single moms and their resourceful-as-fuck children, with a death grip on Glad zipper bags full of tiny tubes of toothpaste, safety pins, band-aids, trail mix, extra pairs of gloves and underwear, and, of course, enough legos to build a brand new house out of.

3. Israel (aka The Jews)

I have to say, I laughed my ass of when, before the election, people started spreading rumors about how Obama was anti-Israel. Ninja, please. Do you really think a Harvard-educated, liberal elite, Smarty McBrainypants like Barack Obama is gonna fuck with The Jews? Hell to the no.

Why?

Easy. He's smart. And smart people don't fuck with Israel. Especially when they're running for president of the United States. And, no, I'm not trying to say that people who fuck with Israel are stupid. I'm not even saying Israel doesn't deserve to be fucked with. I'm just sayin' Israel has guns and bombs and money. Lots and lots of guns and bombs and money. And those resources are all pooled for one cause-- protecting their faith (which, is in fact, their culture.) In America, we have guns and bombs, yes. But is our nationalism as strong as their shared faith? Nope. That's why you don't fuck with The Jews. Because a flag is not as valuable to anyone as a ticket to heaven.

4. Omar

I'm only into Season Two of The Wire, but I know this much: Don't fuck with Omar. This dude carries a shotgun, robs drug dealers and sucks dick. He don't give a FUCK. He will ice you down.

5. Crack cocaine.

Whitney and Bobby, Amy and Blake (Formerly) Incarcerated, Pete Doherty and his cat. Their stories are all cautionary tales. Crack is whack. It is not something you "dabble" in. It will, in a short amount of time, turn you into a paranoid-delusional, manipulative, pathetic freak with bad skin and crazy eyes. Put down the pipe. Or better yet, don't ever pick it up.

FIve Things About LDRs

2008-05-15T19:06:00.003-05:00

1. Yes, Long Distance Relationships Suck.

They just do. The only way they can work is if you they're on a timetable. We may not be able to put the war in Iraq on a timetable, but for the Love of Bejeezus, don't enter into an LDR without one.

2. It could be worse.

In my LDR, I found it comforting to check this site, True Military Wives Confessions, often to give me a reality check. These women don't see or hear from their men for months and months at a time. And their men could be blown away by an insurgent at any moment, so it's just nice to get some perspective on things when you're stressing that your S.O. is 500 miles away.

3. Technology helps.

With IM, anything is possible. And there have been some brilliant inventors out there with gadgets that make it better to be so far apart. Examples:

The VIO aka Virtual Intimate Object, "a piece of software installed on a user's desktop, displayed only a single red dot. The dot faded to transparent over time, and would redden again only when the other half of the couple clicked on his or her own dot displayed on a computer screen hundreds of miles away."
The Hug Shirt that works "when a person wearing the shirt applies pressure to the shirt's millimeter-thick cloth, the shirt captures the strength and location of the pressure with sensors sewn into its fabric and transmits the hug via Bluetooth to a cell phone. Passed as a text message to another phone in another city or country, that text message is translated into vibration and heat in the same location of another Hug Shirt worn by the hug recipient.

Isn't it cute?

And of course, Phone Sex. But be warned...

"Two Hours of Phone Sex" | Funny Jokes at JibJab

4. Romance is more important than ever.

Luckily, there's a site that will write a romantic love letter for you. You don't even have to be creative. It's like MadLibs! You just fill-in the blanks. What could be easier?!!

(But seriously, if you want the LDR to work, you'll have to beef up on the romance. The impact of sweet, simple, little things sent by regular mail is immeasurable. And it only costs $.42)

5. Don't give up.

The only thing that can keep it going is your desire for it to work. It will take patience, compassion, understanding, selflessness and commitment. If you don't think you possess these characteristics, it's probably best not to attempt an LDR.

Five Things I Love About Kansas City

2008-05-03T11:14:00.009-05:00

1. Murray's

Simply the most delicious ice cream on the planet. And you can't get it anywhere but at the shop in KC. Murray, who is actually a woman, and, yes, actually goes by "Murray," knows dairy. She opened the business with her mother in 1984, specializing in homemade ice cream and cookies. Years later, she's expanded to include a coffee bar, made-to-order ice cream cakes and pies, and the best soda fountain treats this side of the Mississippi. You can get a Green River phosphate or an egg cream made to precision. Best flavor of ice cream: hands-down it's the One Drunk Monk, a frangelico ice cream with perfect-sized bits of hazelnut and chocolate espresso flakes. HEAVEN. But she only makes it at the end of the month. Her 200+ flavors rotate regularly.

Murray is notoriously humble and publicity-shy, which hasn't stopped Bon Appetit magazine or Food Network from featuring her desserts. She has refused franchise offers for years, preferring to keep her business a mom-and-pop that doesn't even have a computer on the premises. She cranks out all the ice cream herself on-site and has the carpal-tunnel to prove it. I worked for her at the shop for six summers of my youth. It was the best job I've ever had, working with some of the best people ever to inhabit Kansas City. Soda Jerks 4 Life!

Oh, and Murray's is on Myspace.

2. Downtown always smells like coffee.

Thanks to the Folger's plant that roasts all day and all night at 7th and Broadway.

3. The River Market

The place where every ethnicity and social class in Kansas City converges on the weekends. You can literally eat a different type of ethnic cuisine from its many restaurants every day of the week. I know this because I work a block away and I've done it. And the amount of fruits and veggies you can get for $5 will feed you and a clan for a week. Also, the history of this area is incredibly fascinating. Brothels, political corruption and gangsters, oh my!

4. Driving down Ward Parkway with the windows down on a sunny day.

This is the Wikipedia entry on Kansas City's infamous boulevard of mansions and fountains.

And here's what it looks like on a beautiful Saturday afternoon in Spring. (This one gets a bonus because it includes Cypress Avenue and the voice of host, Bill Shapiro on the radio in the background. Best show on the radio in KC for 25 years.)

5. The Marching Cobras

Seriously, I want these guys to play my funeral.

Here they are performing on the roof of the Downtown Library.

P.S. There are about 20 more things I could have included in this post, including The Foundation, The Westside, The Nelson, and on and on...it was difficult to narrow it down to five. Maybe I'll do a Part II in the future, but for now this will have to suffice.

Five Things about Skanks

2008-04-30T10:25:00.010-05:00

Warning: the video clips and photos that follow are slightly NSFW.

1. Does a sex tape make you famous...or do famous people just make a lot of sex tapes?

Earlier this month, headlines screamed about an alleged Marilyn Monroe "sex tape." My first reaction to this news was utter disappointment. I couldn't decide if I was more upset that it existed at all or that someone would sell it for public consumption? And then I wondered, why is it so much more shocking and terrible for an icon like Marilyn Monroe to be caught in a sex act on film than any one of our contemporary sex tape starlets (i.e. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian)?

Because Marilyn Monroe represents a time in our culture when selling your sexuality was nuanced, and, arguably, more artful. The idea of Marilyn engaged in fellatio on film just seems wrong on a fundamental level. Her image is inherently associated with class and mystique. And this legacy doesn't make room for the overt type of sex Paris and Kim K. are selling. These girls became famous after their sex tapes surfaced. Marilyn Monroe continues to command fame decades after her death. If this Marilyn film had surfaced at the outset of her career and was shown at every movie house in middle America (the equivalent of the internet then)...would she still have a legacy at all? Would she have ever been exalted to the status she enjoyed during her life? I doubt it. Yet, here we are in 2008 making mainstream stars of people who are profiting from the exploitation of their most intimate moments with past lovers.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to compare Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian to Marilyn Monroe. That'll be a cold day in hell. And the Marilyn film ended up being bogus anyway, but I just think it's an interesting example of the contrast between sexuality in society today compared with 50 years ago. Oh, and apparently Jimi Hendrix has a sex tape now. Which is a whole 'nother talk show.

2. Miley Cyrus is the new Britney Spears is the new Brooke Shields.

Exploiting your kids for profit is not new. It's probably gone on since the beginning of time. That being said, parents walk a fine line when they manage their kids' entertainment careers. They're responsible for guiding the child through the process of becoming famous. And sometimes becoming famous means, unfortunately, selling your sexuality. But is this a symptom of greedy, irresponsible parenting or the logical effect of a society bent on an unhealthy obsession with Lolitas?

Who's to blame for the Vanity Fair/Miley Cyrus/Annie Leibowitz scandal? Should we even be making a big deal out of it? Haven't we been here before?

Britney Spears, then 17, graced the cover of the April 1999 issue of Rolling Stone. Controversy ensued.

*Had to take this image of Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby down because I was getting major traffic through Google image search for "lolitas."*

In 1978, a 12-year-old Brooke Shields did full nude scenes in the historical drama, Pretty Baby. Shock! Horror! But hey it was the seventies...

It's hard to draw any conclusions here considering what happened to Britney didn't happen to Brooke. But let's look at some extreme examples of how this kind of thing can get out of hand.

a. "Teen Model" sites--Yes, underage girls as young as 9 are escorted by their own mothers to the offices of photographers who run these "members only" websites where their daughters are shot dressed in bikinis and posing seductively. And the mothers claim it's a step towards their daughters' success in the entertainment business. I'm not even going to post what these pictures look like, but if you must know, here's an investigative piece from Capitol Hill Blue that includes the shots. (Note: you are not linking directly to one of these sites. Promise.)

b. Fathers who drive their daughters to jobs at brothels--yep, Tyra puts the T in WTF. Here's a clip of a dude who takes his 18-year-old daughter to work at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch in Nevada. Right after HE GIVES HER A BIKINI WAX. Sooooo creepy.

3. But what if you're old enough to know better?

When I was a kid, Madonna was the one pushing everyone's buttons with her SEX book and her album, Erotica. She came from a repressed upbringing in the Catholic church and felt it was her mission to liberate people of their sexual anxieties and to "promote tolerance of sexual diversity."

Here's an interview she did in Europe in 1992 to promote the SEX book/Erotica album.

Now look at Belladonna. She's exactly my age. And she's a hardcore pornstar. Like Madonna, she was raised in the repression of the Mormon church. According to her blog, she's also hoping by doing what she does, she'll open people's minds to being sexually liberated. This is an interview she did in 2003 with Diane Sawyer. PrimeTime Live had been following her since her porn career started when she was 18 and were doing a follow-up on how she's progressed. The real reason for showing this interview is to note what happens about 4 minutes into the interview.

So, what's the difference between Madonna and Belladonna in these interviews?

A 12-year age difference, that's what. Madonna was 34 when the SEX book came out. She'd had enough life experience to deal with her sexuality and to own it. Belladonna was 22 in that interview. I remember being 22 and I know I didn't have the capacity to deal with much. I was always having some kind of identity crisis. And to add a porn career to that would've been irreversibly damaging. Maybe Belladonna has escaped the damage thus far and has moved into a healthier state of mind. I don't know...the only thing that is certain is her porn career is bigger than ever and she's set to become a millionaire at 27. Meanwhile, I'm scraping by paycheck to paycheck, overwhelmed by student loan debt and living on a prayer. Who's the exploited one again?

4. The Skank Effect.

So, what does Science have to say about all this? (Ah, Science. Glory to thee in the highest. We pray to thee.) According to the APA's report from the Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls,

Sexualization occurs when

* a person’s value comes only from his or her sexual appeal or behavior, to the exclusion of other characteristics;

* a person is held to a standard that equates physical attractiveness (narrowly defined) with being sexy;

* a person is sexually objectified—that is, made into a thing for others’ sexual use, rather than seen as a person with the capacity for independent action and decision making; and/or

* sexuality is inappropriately imposed upon a person.

The report goes on to say that in the media, women are more often sexualized than men. This gives many young girls the impression that these models for behavior are appropriate. And there are consequences. Surprise! Here are the highlights:

Cognitively, self-objectification has been repeatedly shown to detract from the ability to concentrate and focus one’s attention, thus leading to impaired performance on mental activities such as mathematical computations or logical reasoning.
In the emotional domain, sexualization and objectification undermine confidence in and comfort with one’s own body, leading to a host of negative emotional consequences, such as shame, anxiety, and even self-disgust.
Research links sexualization with three of the most common mental health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem, and depression or depressed mood.
Sexualization of girls has negative consequences in terms of girls’ ability to develop healthy sexuality. Self-objectification has been linked directly with diminished sexual health among adolescent girls (e.g., as measured by decreased condom use and diminished sexual assertiveness.)
Girls and young women who more frequently consume or engage with mainstream media content offer stronger endorsement of sexual stereotypes that depict women as sexual objects...They also place appearance and physical attractiveness at the center of women’s value.
More general societal effects may include an increase in sexism; fewer girls pursuing careers in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM); increased rates of sexual harassment and sexual violence; and an increased demand for child pornography.

There's more good stuff in this book:

Girls Gone Skank: The Sexualization of Girls in American Culture by Patrice A. Oppliger, available at Amazon.

5. Mommy, I want to be a stripper when I grow up.

I'm not a prude, people. I don't think porn is bad, I don't think strippers are (all) skanks and I owned that Erotica album when I was 12 years old. But I have to say, if I had a daughter, I would not want her goal in life to be a millionaire porn star...or a sexy teenage pop star...or a best-selling sex tape actress. I would support her no matter what, of course, but ohmigod please don't let her think her only assets are her tits and ass. That's what bothers me most. These women are banking on things that will fade, parts that will naturally transition over the years, leaving them to rely on other competencies, skills, etc. I, for one, think Brooke Shields got it right. She got naked and provocative at a young age, but then she went to Princeton. Ditto Jodie Foster. Bottom line: if your daughter wants a life in the spotlight or she's just heavily influenced by those who are in the spotlight, do you drive her to a risque modeling shoot or an acting class where she keeps her clothes on? You make the call. And then think to yourself What Would Brooke Shields Do?

Five Things about Twitter

2008-04-06T17:53:00.006-05:00

1. "Why would anyone want to know what you're doing all the time?"
This is the first thing I thought when I heard about Twitter a year ago. I was skeptical and uninterested. But as of a few months ago, I've become a regular Twit Monkey. I'm still a newb, but I follow about 65 people and roughly 45 people follow me.

So, what is Twitter?

Common Craft makes great instructional videos and this is the one they did on Twitter:

Twitter is a microblog, an instant messenger, a social network and a community all in one place. It's also a backchannel for connecting with influential people in Marketing, PR, Media and Tech. Jeremiah Owyang has a very thorough post on his blog about ways marketers can use Twitter as part of a web strategy.

There are also a ton of apps that have been developed to further advance Twitter's usefulness.

I use TweetScan a lot. You can use it to search words/phrases being tweeted by everyone on Twitter. You can even set up alerts based on these keywords and TweetScan will send you an email digest of all your keyword-related Tweets for that day. I was searching one day for people tweeting about blues music and I came across my new Seattle friend, Anna. She works for Reclaim Media and was converting a BB King live recording and tweeting about it. Through our subsequent tweets, we discovered we may very well be BFFs who've never actually met in real life. And now we have a standing date to drink wine if I ever get myself to Seattle. Thanks, Twitter.

2. Mainstream media's breaking news is sloooooowwww compared to Twitter.

Example: a 5.3 magnitude earthquake happened in February in England. The news was instantly all over Twitter. The BBC didn't have info on the quake until 45 minutes later.

A lot of people on Twitter will "liveblog" an event...sending periodic updates in real-time during the shebang. I twittered the Obama rally at Municipal Auditorium in KC back in January. One of the Twitterers I follow recently twittered the path of a tornado near her town in Oklahoma, apparently providing some of her local Twitter friends with important storm warning info when their power went out and couldn't tune into the local news.

Twitter as a breaking news source has manifested in BreakingNewsOn, a Twitter profile you can follow that tweets breaking news as it happens in 140 characters or less. Which essentially breaks down to streaming headlines. It's proven to be incredibly quick and comprehensive in my experience. Certain headlines they tweet don't make it to broadcast or print for up to two days, if ever.

3. Twitter can often feel like a high school cafeteria.

Ok, let's talk about the Twitter cliques (Twiques?)...these are the groups of A-list bloggers, Web 2.0 PR/marketing types and early adopters who basically run Twitter. They're the popular crowd. They have eleventy billion people following them and in return, they only follow and respond to the upper eschelons of twitterers. I still haven't quite figured out exactly what the criteria is for entering in to this elite club. So far, I've determined you must author a credible, high-traffic blog, be in your thirties or forties, own a Blackberry or a Mac and have very little actual, face-to-face interaction with human beings. Hence being able to twitter and blog and podcast at the rate these people do it. And the fact that I meet none of these criteria might explain why I haven't updated my ultra low-traffic blog in two weeks.

And then there's the shit-talking and gossip. Yeah, big surprise, the popular kids say mean things about each other and spread rumors and go on and on and on and on about how important they are and pat each other on the back all day long. It's pretty boring, but you can't just un-follow them on the small chance they might actually one day let you sit at their table.

4. I kinda wish everyone Twittered.

Imagine what it would be like if everybody in the world was on Twitter. Who would you want to follow? And what would their tweets be like?

Here are some of the tweets I'd like to see:
BretMichaels staring at boobs. it kinda turns me on. 10 minutes ago from web
TyraBanks my vagina itches. hmmmm do i smell a topic for my next show? 10 minutes ago from web
AmyWinehouse visit @BlakeIncarcerated went smooth. smuggled in some junk in my ballet slipper. shhhhh... 27 minutes ago from web
KatieHolmes I ♥ koool-aid. Zenu ftw! 29 minutes ago from web
RickAstley blimey! rickrolled again...i fall for it every bloody time. 29 minutes ago from web
GaryBusey watercolor soul window doused in flames of beehive buttery sandpaper drivel. it all went up my nose. i'm painting with my nostrils. namaste. 33 minutes ago from web
TimGunn What's all this Strum and Draung about Google's announcement? 34 minutes ago from txt

5. Twitter can make you a better version of yourself.

It will help you keep your houseplants alive! No, really.
It can help you quit smoking.
It can absolve you of your sins. Repent now!

Five Things I've Learned in My 26th Year

2008-03-18T15:59:00.006-05:00

1. My six-year-old son is, hands down, the coolest person I know.

I mean, how could you not be madly in love with this kid?

He cracks me up everyday. Some of his greatest hits?

He writes songs with titles like, "Life's So Hard" and "We're All Just Friends." And he really puts thought into the lyrics. He told me if I take a video of him singing his song "Life's so hard" I should be sure to show it to people who are having a rough time because, "it will cheer them up."
His dance moves are sick. He has one called The Elevator where he cranks down to the ground to the beat.
He declared this week in our household to be "Fashion Week," where we will all have to pose and take pictures of each other.
When he turns on the lights in the living room, he precedes the flip of the switch with a dramatic "Lights. Camera..."-flip-"Fashion!"
There's a song in my laptop titled "How to Fight Loneliness"...he was looking over my shoulder at it and asked me to pronounce the word 'loneliness.' Then, without missing a beat he goes, "You can't fight loneliness."
He owns a still-in-the-box action figure of Princess Leia in her Jabba's Palace bikini.
He knows every word to Rehab by Amy Winehouse and emphatically gyrates his pointer finger when the chorus goes, "No, no no..."
He has a crush on a girl in his class named Talullah because "she's smart."
Once, when we were playing the dozens...just throwing random insults at each other to stretch our imaginations...he called me a "blog."

2. Boundaries are important.

I came to a realization this year that I'm tired of being a victim. Yeah, some crazy shit has happened in my life...some of it as a result of my own choices and some of it at the hands of others. It dawned on me, though, that I've used these negative experiences to justify my most unsavoury behaviors. This breakthrough also helped me realize I can be proactive about this pattern in my life. I can set boundaries with people. I can let them know how far they can go with me. I can put a stop to being the victim by defining and asserting my personal boundaries. In putting this into practice, I was surprised at the people in my life I found myself distanced from. But it feels good to be able to say, I'm not a victim anymore. Certainly, I can own my role in the crazy shit that has played out, but I can also stand by my decision to not let the other parties involved dictate my success and happiness.

3. Professionalism is giving your all when you have nothing left to give.

It's a lot like being a parent, actually. To be a professional, you have to be able to put your own needs, gripes, unhappiness and angst aside to what's best for the organization that employs you or--to put it on a more micro level--to do what's best for your career. And I like the idea of thinking of your career as an extension of yourself in the same way a child is just that. It makes sense.

4. It's easy to be a cynical asshole.

It's infinitely more difficult to be a good person, standing by your convictions and keeping an optimistic outlook. Everybody gets shit on. Everybody knows the world can be a harsh place. The easy way out is to expect the worst, to reciprocate every blow you've been given with your own venomous lashings and to roll your eyes at anyone who has the audacity to keep a positive attitude. Staying off this path is the real challenge.

5. Music can heal you.

Last Fall was a reeeeeeally low point in my life. I was in a dangerous living situation, my family was in chaos and turmoil...and I was beyond broke and without the resources to remove myself from any of it. Luckily, in the midst of this crisis, I was scheduled to go on my first cruise. A client of mine runs the Blues Cruise, a weeklong cruise featuring more than 20 of the world's greatest blues artists playing 70+ shows in the ship's many venues. I went on the trip to represent my agency. I realized quickly that the fallout from my personal drama had followed me onboard. I found myself unable to let go of all the anger and sadness I had accumulated throughout the ordeal at home. Then I got sick. I stayed in my cabin for a day and a half feeling miserable, vomiting and everything. And when I finally emerged from the depths of seasickness/food poisoning, I went to watch Earl Thomas perform at the Queens Lounge.

Earl Thomas is a soul singer and songwriter. As is customary in blues, he invited some other artists on stage to jam with him. He began to sing the old gospel song, "This Little Light of Mine." And as the other singers joined him, the entire room of mostly middle-aged white people began to sing and sway along. Then this tiny woman named Chick Rodgers got up for a solo. Her voice and her intensity brought tears to my eyes. I walked out of that room feeling refreshed. I really believe the energy in that room healed me, brought me out of my funk and helped me to move on. It was a life-defining experience and I often think back to it when I'm spiraling towards those depths again.

I've heard people say before that music saved their life. I feel like I kind of know what they're talking about now.

Five Things I'm Pissed Off About

2008-03-14T12:50:00.009-05:00

1. The Democratic Party is fucking up.

Remember that Dave Chappelle sketch? Well, these white people are really fucking up. Now, I'm a card-carrying Democrat, I worked a Democratic caucus in my district on Super Tuesday...I attended the state of Missouri's Democratic Convention when I was 11 years old. So this blurb comes from a boiling-over frustration with my own party. Here we are, poised to realistically, triumphantly, finally bring our party out of the gutter and get our agenda moving in Washington...and we're fucking up.

The Democratic presidential candidates are feeding the other side all kinds of ammunition for the race to the general election. By tearing each other down, they're doing McCain's job for him. And Republicans across the nation are sitting back smugly, watching our party make a mess we'll be digging out of (again) for years. And there's nothing that pisses me off more than a smug Republican.

I'm an Obama supporter, and I've been pleased up until now with how he has not allowed himself to be engaged in this kind of destructive campaigning. I also feel like he's not being given a choice when such a relentless attack is being waged against him from the Clinton camp. Yes, ultimately, it's my belief Hillary is to blame for the series of embarassing in-fights over the last week. (Incidentally, Jonathan Chait from the New Republic agrees with me.)

Just in case you haven't been following, let's take a look at the poo being flung, shall we?

Clinton Aide Compares Obama to Kenneth Starr.

Obama adviser calls Hillary a "monster" and later resigns.

Hillary endorses McCain. Over and over and over again.

Sinbad (yes Sinbad. the comedian.) refutes Hillary's "experience." He's an Obama supporter.

Clinton adviser says Obama is where he is because he's black and later resigns.

The only silver lining to all of this is this fuzzy video of Senate proceedings yesterday where, it appears, Hill and Barry may be ready to hug it out. One can only hope. (Oh, hope. I'm so punny.)

2. Italy's high court says if you're a woman wearing jeans you can't get raped.

Um, yeah... Italy isn't built on the foundation of a patriarchal institution that oppresses women. Not at all.

3. The American "justice" system.

Yep, sex offenders in Massachussetts are getting released from prison to go rape little boys in libraries...

Ahem, Chris Saunders.

while this dude who got caught buying a pound of pot:

Douglas Gray, still creepy-looking.

is doing life without parole in Alabama. Oh, hell no.

4. The war in Iraq is costing the U.S. 12 billion dollars a month.

From ABCNews: The flow of blood may be ebbing, but the flood of money into the Iraq war is steadily rising, new analyses show. In 2008, its sixth year, the war will cost approximately $12 billion a month, triple the "burn" rate of its earliest years, Nobel Prize-winning economist Joseph E. Stiglitz and co-author Linda J. Bilmes report in a new book.

Beyond 2008, working with "best-case" and "realistic-moderate" scenarios, they project the Iraq and Afghan wars, including long-term U.S. military occupations of those countries, will cost the U.S. budget between $1.7 trillion and $2.7 trillion — or more — by 2017.

Interest on money borrowed to pay those costs could alone add $816 billion to that bottom line, they say.Full Story

What we could have bought with this month's Iraq tab instead:

A nuclear power deal with France that comes with two European pressurised water reactors (EPRs) and a supply of more than a decade’s worth of fuel. (Times Online)
24 brand new public schools for every state in the nation.
a month's supply of generic antiretroviral drugs for the treatment of AIDS/HIV and malaria for 1.3 billion Africans. (Kaiser Daily HIV/AIDS Report)
a tank of gas for every registered vehicle in the United States.

Are you pissed off yet? What could make this worse? An average of 60 American soldiers die each month in Iraq. Add to that an average of 2500 Iraqis every month. (iCasualties.org) Yep, I'm depressed now.

5. That damn Head-On commercial.

I've got something you can apply directly to your forehead.

Five Things I Did This Weekend

2008-03-02T22:22:00.003-06:00

1. Enjoyed the weather.
It was 75 degrees! The wind was fiercer than Ferocia Coutura, but it was 75 degrees!

2. Took Mason to the Skate Park.
I love boys on skateboards. For life.

3. Went to a party at Illegitimate Art.
Homegirl at the party was rocking the sickest pair of shiny purple pants. And I was fortunate enough to stumble upon a $5 original edition of Girl Talk Date Line. Yep. Slumber party time!

4. Urban hiking with Tom and Katie.
We fought the high winds to stroll eastward on Southwest Blvd. through the Westside. We made some awesome discoveries. First, the old Plaza de Ninos building on Belleview. This is hands-down the coolest building in KC. Then, we found an abandoned Disney Princess ball. And finally, we treated ourselves to popsicles at Tropicana on the Boulevard. Delicioso!

5. Took pictures.
So you can see it all for yourself.

Five Things about Black History Month

2008-02-20T15:37:00.005-06:00

1. We're still celebrating Black History Month?

There seems to be a lot of discussion over whether it's even relevant to celebrate Black History Month in February anymore. In fact, in a Google search on the topic, what you'll mostly find is curriculum instruction for K-12 teachers. No long-sweeping essays on the subject from passionate black leaders or buzz about Black History programming during sweeps...oh, aside from Diddy representin in the ABC production of Raisin in the Sun. And even in the article I read about it in USA Today, the stars of the drama are pitching it in interviews saying, "this family could be any race."

Are our kids really the only Americans learning about Black History? Why doesn't the mainstream media care anymore? Is it because we're "transcending" race the way Barack Obama has supposedly done in his campaign for president?

It seems that we, as a nation, are toiling in confusion over whether we want race to be an issue, in terms of equality and justice, or if we'd rather it became a non-issue, demonstrating our progressive-minded color blindness. Which path leads us closer to the "dream" Dr. King spoke of so many years ago?

I'm not here to answer that question. I'll just point to a blurb from a blog I came across written by a Philadelphia pastor who raises the same questions.

Studying and reflecting on black history along with the history of other ethnic groups will teach us of the lengths African-Americans and others took to be viewed as full Americans by this country. Each invention, work of art, scientific discovery, foray into politics, activity in foreign wars and act of athleticism was a way of shouting to our nation that though we were brought here against our will, it was not our will to remain separate or segregated from this country. Knowing this could prove quite beneficial to those Americans who question or wonder what place African-Americans have played and can play in the building and progress of this country. It could also help them to see that black history did not begin and end with slavery. Additionally it will teach them to see that America is what it is because of the valuable contributions of those who came here via slave ships and immigrant ships. Knowing this can help us to view those who are here as potential assets and not liabilities.

I'd love to know your thoughts in the comments. And if you would like a daily dose of Black History, the blog Stereohyped features a new, relevant post everyday. And it's just a cool blog you should read all the rest of the year, too.

2. Is Nas a marketing genius or just asking for backlash?

Nas and his wife, Kelis, were all over the red carpet at the Grammys hyping his new project, a CD he announced in October that would be titled, "N____r." Back in October, when the controversy started, Rolling Stone covered the backlash...

50 Cent has joined the Al Sharpton-led caravan protesting Nas’ new controversial album title. “Nas sucks,” 50 told MTV, “It’s nonsense, man. That’s a stupid name. It doesn’t make sense. Why would you title it that?” Because Get Rich or Die Tryin’ promotes racial equality.

and here's a clip of him last Sunday with a visibly uncomfortable CNN reporter.

I think it's pretty cheeky. He's calling out people in the media who use racial slurs (aka Imus and the Bounty Hunter and probably Kramer) and get away with it. If people are going to defend their right to use the word (because there are people who have) then why should they feel uncomfortable using the word when referring to his new album? It seems to me, he's putting the issue on the table and forcing people to come to terms with how they feel about that word. AND, he's using this inevitable "conversation" to sell records. Hey, whatever works.

But, he did push back the release date and decided putting the album out during Black History Month might be in bad taste. Wait, what?

3. Reality shows are probably the only place black models are fairly represented. Thanks, Tyra.

Jezebel has covered this topic extensively, making it a huge focus of their Fashion Week news. According to their research, "out of 66 shows at the in the Bryant Park tents, 18 designers had no black models." They even made pie charts!

4. One of my favorite moments in Black History.

(NSFW sound)

The Def Poetry Jam is just, hands down, one of the best platforms for artists of color to get their message out. But where did it go?

5. My favorite heroine of Black History.

In my first years of college, I took a U.S. History course and fell in love with everything I read about the Harlem Renaissance. A strange connection was formed and it continues to be the time in history I would travel to given the chance. I was so enthralled with the personalities I encountered in my studies, I decided to do my final presentation on the life of one of them...Ms. A'Lelia Walker.

She was the daughter of a successful African-American businesswoman named Madame C.J. Walker. The elder Ms. Walker made her fortune in Black hair care products and brought her empire to Harlem in the early 1900s. In the 20s, A'Lelia became a major player in the Harlem Renaissance, hosting parties at her mansion she dubbed "The Dark Tower." On the walls, she had the words to Langston Hughes' poem, "The Weary Blues," written in cursive. She entertained a mixed crowd of guests, and in one legendary story, she had a party where she put the white guests in one room where they dined on chittlins and pigs feet...and the black guests in another room where they had champagne and caviar. Talk about cheeky...

She went on to make many, many financial contributions to the arts and literature community in Harlem. And the Dark Tower is now a National Historic Landmark.

Five Things about Nominating a Democrat

2008-02-14T14:23:00.005-06:00

1. Clip of the Week

Behold, the anti-viral video of the election season. The great juxtaposition between this poorly made, ill-advised video and the gracefully crafted, Obama-supporting "Yes We Can" video shows the gaping disparity between a candidate who "gets it" and a candidate who, despite being a millionaire, can't buy a clue. I'm even a little suspicious this video is a clever job by an opponent camp to undermine Hillary's "cool factor." Because, seriously, if this was the work of a Hillary supporter, they need to take it down. Promptly.

2. Newsflash! Hillary is not the feminist candidate. Unless you're still thinking like a feminist of the 60s.

I have actually heard from the mouths of women in Kansas City--tough, ambitious, ball-busting women who most likely identify as "feminists"--that their support of Hillary Clinton boils down to her gender--as if supporting a man in favor of a female candidate is akin to supplying arms to Al Qaeda. I'd just like to point out to them a few opinions published on the matter in recent days.

First, Camille Paglia wrote on salon.com:

The old-guard feminist establishment has also rushed out of cold storage to embrace Hillary Clinton via tremulous manifestoes of gal power that have startlingly exposed the sentimental slackness of thought that made Gloria Steinem and company wear out their welcome in the first place. Hillary's gonads must be sending out sci-fi rays that paralyze the paleo-feminist mind -- because her career, attached to her husband's flapping coattails, has sure been heavy on striking pious attitudes but ultra-light on concrete achievements.

Then, Maureen Dowd wrote in her op-ed column for the NY Times about Hillary that:

Instead of carving out a separate identity for herself, she has become more entwined with Bill. She is running bolstered by his record and his muscle. She touts her experience as first lady, even though her judgment during those years on issue after issue was poor. She says she’s learned from her mistakes, but that’s not a compelling pitch.

Well said, ladies.

My two cents: Since when is there a feminist law that says we have to stand by each other no matter what? Men don't stand by each other just because they all have testicles. They dog each other out on the regular. In fact, their competitiveness with each other is rooted in their DNA. I, for one, am perfectly okay with women being at odds with each other. There are a lot of unsavoury characters out there, men and women, and no one should have to play nice with anyone who gives them the heebie jeebs on a gut level.

Also, if a woman candidate wants to say that she has had to fight to get where she is because of her gender and uses it to "connect" with a constituency, I am not okay with her then going on and on about her 30 years of experience being the wife of a politician. It's pandering and it's disingenuous. If you're running a campaign built on the fact that you're a woman who has fought to get to the top in a man's world, you're NOT going to impress me by telling me about all the great things your husband did.

And I'm also not impressed that you're still married to a guy who cheated on you in the most public way possible and made a string of poor personal choices that led to a conservative takeover of our government. I might vote for Bill Clinton, I might even sleep with him...but I would absolutely not MARRY him. Or stay married to him in this case. Or maybe, if I was so disturbingly bent on gratifying my political ego by running for president one day, I would blindly "stand by my man." But then, I don't pick out my clothes according to what a poll says either.

I think this all just brings up a lot of interesting points about the "old" feminist establishment (to which I believe Hillary belongs) and how they've, unfortunately, positioned themselves as victims for so long. This has ultimately backfired, spurring the post-feminist feminists who want to embrace being "females without limits" minus the chip on the shoulder of the previous generation. I'm not necessarily saying one is stronger than the other, it's just an evolution of the movement. And, personally, I'm ready to move on.

3. It's the economy, stupid.

Obama was in Wisconsin yesterday talking about the economy.

"We have greater income disparity in this country than we've seen since the first year of the Great Depression," he said.

He's totally playing from the Clinton '92 handbook. How ironic. Except we're in deeper shit now than we were then AND we're trying to undo EIGHT years of Bush instead of four. Which is why it's good he's recognizing the strength of this issue. Even though WJC brought the country together with the same message during his campaign in 92, he went on to divide us so brutally over the next 8 years, it hardly seems like the impact is withstanding.

Obama then called out McCain on how ill-equipped he is to even approach the issue with the following slam-dunk...

"if John McCain wants to debate the specifics of how well the economy has worked for ordinary families over the last seven years, that is a debate that I am happy to have, because the American people know that Bush’s policies have not worked for ordinary Americans."

In yo face, grandpa!

4. The parodies in this campaign are abundant.

5. Is the delegation half-empty or half-full?
It's interesting to me how the candidate you support has become an indicator of your tendency towards optimism or cynicism on the Democrat side. At least, that's the way it's being framed by the campaigns.

Or maybe I should rephrase.

Depending on who you're supporting, you're either an optimist or a pragmatist, according to everybody who comments on political blogs.

I think this is horse shit. To reduce one's political leanings down to something as subjective as their tendency to have a positive outlook vs. a realistic approach is ridiculous. Why does there always have to be an US or THEM category? Can't we all just agree that we all exercise our critical thinking skills in different ways and leave it at that? Disagree all you want, debate til your face turns blue...but don't assume just because someone supports Obama that they're a crackpot hippie optimist or that anyone supporting Hillary is a crotchedy old cynic. Unless, of course, you're making a parody of the situation. And then, by all means, generalize your ass off. It makes me laugh.

Five Things You Should Give Up For Lent ...or just because

2008-02-07T15:58:00.001-06:00

1. Carbon Emissions

I'm half-Catholic (aka my dad was raised that way and chose not to force it on me but I still understand the cultural identity that comes with being Catholic if only by proxy) and even though I've chosen not to practice Catholicism, I've always been into the idea of Lent. I love that millions of people in the world choose to give up things they hold dear as a testament to their faith. It's the kind of thing that gets me all worked up. Self-denial makes a big impact these days in our age of overindulgence. So, the fact that anybody still observes Lent is amazing to me. And what a great way for a progressive movement to gain traction. For example:

From NPR Morning Edition, February 7, 2008 · With the season of Lent upon us, bishops in London and Liverpool have come up with a new kind of 40-day fast. Along with the aid agency Tearfund, the bishops have launched a carbon fast. Instead of giving up chocolate, how about giving up on plastic bags or incandescent light bulbs? Full story.

2. Being a Republican.

OK, since when do you "work harder" if you make a fat salary and have never had the misfortune of losing your job? Republicans in the Senate are blocking the stimulus package because it helps poor people pay their heating bills and extends unemployment benefits. Last time I checked, the minimum wage in this country is less than $6.00 an hour. That means if you work a minimum wage job and have to drive to work, you're probably paying about $50 a week in gas, more than a day's pay. So, most likely, you're working two jobs just to pay the bills. And Republicans have the audacity to say that people who make over $150k "work harder" and deserve more tax amnesty and subsidies? The only people I know who work more than 50 hours a week are not executives or CEOs. They're the people who scrape by doing jobs most people would find demeaning. And it's "irresponsible" to help those people pay their heating bills? The next time you see someone picking up your trash or cleaning up after you at the office, are you thinking to yourself "they don't deserve to be warm...but I do because I work behind a desk"? I swear, class-ism in America makes me want to throw up.

3. Drunk Dialing

OK, how did I miss this breathalyzer cellphone released in 2006 and where do I get one?

4. Talking about your hair.

This is my least favorite topic of conversation ever. And not just your hair. I don't like talking about my hair either. Is it really worthy of more than a sentence? Is your hair so consuming and all-important that you actually have an entire arsenal of conversation fodder involving your hair to turn to whenever there's a lull? Read a book. And talk to me about that instead.

5. Facebook

Because it's just creepy.

Five Things I Haven't Had Time To Do Lately

2008-02-06T12:53:00.001-06:00

1. Update mah blog. Obvsly.
I've spent the last several days preparing, organizing and rocking faces off, so I've been a little busy. How does one prepare and organize to rock faces off, you ask? The only thing I can tell you is that it does not involve updating your blog that focuses on being unfocused. Focus was a big part of the last week for me. And faces were rocked. Completely off.

Example A: Stayed up til 1:30am Monday night(really late for me because I'm Queen of the Lame)working on a presentation for work. Gave presentation yesterday. Humbly accepted compliments on it throughout the day. *ahem* Essentially, what I had to do was break down what social media is, why it's important and how it can be utilized by my company and our clients. And I'm sooooooooo not an expert, just a person who has passion for media, sees the abundant opportunities within this new realm and wants to find a way to move the company forward. I think I accomplished what I set out to do, so it felt great.

Example B: The other thing I've been focused on is our caucus in the 6th senate district in Kansas last night. I got handed a leadership role in my district by the Kansas Obama campaign and took it very seriously. So, in addition to rocking faces off at my job, I've been pulling people together, buying supplies and preparing for the caucus. Last night, our team spent 3.5 hours herding 800 people into a tiny foyer of a middle school so they could register/sign-in for the caucus. Then we became cheerleaders once we got everyone into the caucus room, keeping them fired up while they waited. And then we counted. And we won. Faces rocked right off. And I got to keep this nifty button:

2. Clean my house.

It's gross. Like First Apartment gross. You'd think I was on some kind of crazy David Hasselhoff-style bender with all the crap piled in the kitchen and everywhere.

3. Grooming.
Hairy werewolf legs, half-assed attempts at not smelling like a pile of dirty clothes, eyebrows rebelling wildly from lack of attention, and I haven't applied a stitch of makeup in three days.

4. Sleeping.
It's for pussies anyway.

5. Be a mom.
I've had to hand Mason over to his dad three of the last four days because of my schedule. This is the part I hate most of all. I think I'll take him on a Laundromat Date tomorrow where we can play arcade games and eat junk food and laugh at ourselves. But, and I love this analogy, just like the safety announcements on airplanes, you have to adjust your oxygen mask before your kid's in a crisis situation. So, tonight I will be bubbling in a bubble bath where no faces will be present. Your face is safe. For now.

Five Things about the Wisdom of Dating Matt Damon.

2008-02-01T13:23:00.001-06:00

1. Clip of the Week

I am certainly not a huge fan of Jimmy Kimmel and I find Sarah Silverman slightly annoying...but this video is the best thing I've seen all week. Apparently JK has this shtick he does where at the end of his show he says, "My apologies to Matt Damon, but we're out of time for tonight." And Matt Damon be looking fiiiiine, too.

2. Dallas Morning News columnist reveals why I don't date guys in their 20s.

Kay Hymowitz writes:
Not so long ago, the average mid-twentysomething had achieved most of adulthood's milestones – high school degree, financial independence, marriage and children. These days, he lingers – happily – in a new hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. Decades in unfolding, this limbo may not seem like news to many, but in fact it is to the early 21st century what adolescence was to the early 20th: a momentous sociological development of profound economic and cultural import.

It's time to state what is now obvious to legions of frustrated young women: The limbo doesn't bring out the best in young men.

That sound you hear is women not laughing. Oh, some women get a kick out of child-men and their frat/fart jokes. But for many, the child-man is either an irritating mystery or a source of heartbreak. In contemporary female writing and conversation, the words "immature" and "men" seem united in perpetuity.
Full article.

3. Can we pleeeeeeze start a petition to get Improv Everywhere to come to Kansas City? PLEEEEZ? They are so rad.

4. Just droppin' some wisdom, y'all. 12 Things I Learned By 42 That I Wish I Knew at 22. via thewisdomjournal.com.

5. LOST is back. And it's really back. It's good again. At least for now...Jezebel liveblogged the first ep of the new season.

Five Things on Caucusing

2008-01-31T15:09:00.000-06:00

1. First things first, it's just fun to say "caucus." Try it. Caucus. See?

2. If you live in KANSAS, you must caucus to support your candidate on Tuesday, February 5th. Don't know where to go? This link will help.

3. Now, for the good stuff. What the hell is a caucus? And how is it different from a primary?

From howstuffworks.com:

Presidential election primaries and caucuses are two very different methods of accomplishing the same basic thing. Simply put, they are both a means for each political party to let voters nationwide select their party's presidential nominee. More specifically, primaries and caucuses are means of selecting delegates (representatives of party members in each state) to send to the party's national convention.

At the Democratic convention, the number of state delegates is proportional to the number of votes received in the state primary or caucus. The total number of delegates each party can send to the national convention is again dictated by party rules. Usually the party determines the number of delegates through a formula factoring in state population, the number of elected officials in office, and that state's past support of party candidates.

Federal law doesn't dictate how states choose their delegates, so individual states decide what system to use. Most states use the primary system -- where voters statewide simply cast a vote for the candidate they support -- but some use the older caucus system.

Check out this Step-by-Step Guide for the Kansas Caucus at the Obama site.

4.Iowa is the land of the Caucus. And the home of Rudy, the two-headed pig.

5. Participating in the democratic process is cool. You might actually meet your neighbors and find out you have something in common. Or they might glare at you and mutter under their breath like they always do. Whatever the case, you'll be spending an hour of your life in a crowd of people who care about the direction their government is going. And that can't be all bad, can it?

Five Things about Obama's KC Visit

2008-01-30T16:39:00.000-06:00

1. There were lines.
I arrived at Municipal Auditorium around 4:45 pm (an hour after the doors opened) and there were lines of people pushing through the doors to the building.

2. There were Republicans.
Once inside, it was a massive crush of people in the foyer all trying to squeeze into a stairwell to get downstairs where the entrance to the event was. This waiting stage lasted about an hour. The guys behind me were Republicans who voted for Bush in 2000...and they were talking about how if Obama could change things, it didn't matter what party he was from. They were mostly pissed about the war and the economy.

3. There were white people.
Once on the auditorium floor, I took a look around at the diversity in the crowd. It wasn't something I noted because I feel like his race is a factor, just something you don't see that often...in KC, that is.

4. There were people who didn't get in.
I came out of the auditorium around 7:30pm, unprepared to find more than a hundred people gathered across the street at Barney Allis Plaza who were unable to get into the event. They had been outside waiting for him for 2 hours...and they were chanting his name. They couldn't feel their toes, but they stayed until he came out to deliver an abbreviated speech to the crowd. As he left, people on the street cheered him and people ran after his motorcade like he was a rock star, excitedly telling their friends, "I shook his hand!!"

5. They should have played this for his introduction.

**Before you ask, no, I did not get one good shot of Obama. I left my good camera at home like an idiot and had to use my camera phone, which is why all my pictures suck. Thank you very much.

Five Things About Cakes and/or Bicycles

2008-01-29T12:44:00.000-06:00

1. Brilliant.

Via Flickr

2. Obama is in town today. And the weather is frigidly unwelcoming. I *really* hope I don't have to stand outside it in for too long to get in. This is where he'll be speaking. Capacity is said to be 11,000. I have a feeling people will get shut out.

3. Um, did anyone else catch Dr. Drew's totally rockin biceps bulging from his t-shirt on the last ep of Celebrity Rehab? He needs to get interrupted on the weekends more often. Bring Jeff's skank back! I need more bare flesh from Dr. Drew.

4. This might actually be hot if she ate the entire cake along with a sandwich and started all over.

5.

moar funny pictures

Five Things About Kids...or Air Conditioning.

2007-10-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

1. Bush says, Down with Healthy Kids! Republicans cheer raucously.

2. DIY Aversion Therapy.
I've come to the conclusion I will probably never get married and have any more kids. Which is, in all honesty, probably for the best. The only problem is, I'm still a female with working hormones who feels the intense longing emanating from my uterus every time I see a baby. Ditto with weddings. Except the longing to be married is most likely psychological more than biological. Or not. Who knows? ANYWAY.

It's actually becoming painful, these uncontrollable urges, knowing I will never attain the objects of my desire. There's a few different ways I could handle this. One, become a hardlined practicing Buddhist devoted to releasing myself from attachment and desire. This might work, except I do already have a child I'm pretty attached to and oh yeah, I have little to no self-discipline so this probably won't work. Besides, my desire for buffalo wings pretty much runs my life, which leads to...

Second, I could just eat to numb the pain. Which would, in turn, make me so physically hideous I would have absolutely no chance of attracting anyone. Yep, a self-fulfilling prophecy. Hey, it worked for Kirstie Alley. She even got her own TV show.

Third, and this is the one I'm most leaning towards...Aversion Therapy. Here's how it works...Every time I see a baby, I'm going to imagine the most disgusting image in my head. And over time, this association will break down my desire to have one. Same with weddings. Every time I see a married couple being all cute or hear about a wedding, I'm going to imagine rivers of raw sewage running down the aisle.

I think it's already working....

3. OMG, I want this hoodie! Do you think they make them in kid sizes? Mason would freak!

4. TURN THE AIR CONDITIONING OFF! Open the windows! Damn! Haven't you heard of Global Warming? It's October, people!

5. This is when you know the media has more control over kids than their parents do. It's kinda sad.